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Each of our fully trademarked Advertising™ Packages® comes with a client focus group approved set of guarantees we were told to guarantee.
burn out package
Perfect for anyone who knows that the only kind of love an agency needs is tough love. So go ahead, change the brief at the last minute, change your mind about what you like, hell, change the name of your company — then, kill the entire campaign after you’ve already bought it. Because you know the best ideas always start back to the drawing board.
Enjoy making yourself feel important to 10+ rotating teams of creatives whose names you never have to learn.
Kill an unlimited number of ideas. You read that correctly, you get to say “NO” to as much work as you want. “No” explanation required.
A mandatory minimum of 13 rounds of revisions per execution*.
Calls will happen an hour before or after our normal workday whenever possible.
Pucker Up Package
Look at you. You’re so smart, you’ve probably already figured out what this package is about. That’s why you’re the smart good-looking tycoon in the making who maybe even went to business school, and we are the arts nerds. Honestly, you deserve this package just for being you, because you’re just that cool.
7+ dinners at trendy places you saw online with top creatives who would rather be anywhere else.
We’ll compliment you for coming up with our ideas even though you clearly don’t understand them.
Every call will start with an apology, regardless of whether we are in agreement or you are completely happy.
Our entire team will work in one room with a direct line you can call at any time of day with your “thoughts.”
We’ll serve up a full buffet of spicy hot sizzle videos. All quickly made to be shared internally, but feel free to run it on TV like we know you will.
All timelines and shoot schedules will be based first and foremost on your vacation time and restaurant availabilities.
be Brave Package
This is your moment. Your time. Your chance…to pretend to be brave. Seize it. Use words like “Cannes” or “breakthrough,” phrases like “we want you to push us and make us uncomfortable.” We know you don’t mean it, but we can both pretend that you do so you get to eventually say things like “I just don’t think we’re there…yet.”
Feel brave, while getting the same, safe, over-tested work you know and love.
Relish 3 rounds of reviews with the kind of all-star director whose way overqualified for your spot.
Look responsible to your boss with your explanation of why the truly creative work is wrong for your brand.
Experience 0 resistance to your shockingly low opinion of your own customers.
Discover new music by listening to the tracks you won’t choose because they are “distracting.”
Enjoy a robust list of AI, Blockchain, VR, and AR ideas that are impossible to create with your budget.
Play Nice Package
As they say, “the more the merrier.” And by that we mean the more people we get to “share” the work with, the merrier we are going to act about it. Don’t hold back. Call up your PR people, digital dudes, out-of-home homies, and every different agency that specializes in every different demographic. We can’t wait to “get on the same page” with all 14 of them.
We’ll smile while working with an unlimited number of extension agencies, and keep smiling while the budget gets cut up like a personal pizza for a 12 person party.
A mandatory minimum of 10 people on every call — two of which don’t know how to mute their phone.
Experience what happens when “everyone is a creative.” Clients, account, strategy, PR, digital, neighbors, mailmen, and the chatty coffee shop guy.
Every idea will be treated equally, whether its been thought about for 2 months or 2 minutes.
Friendly greetings, awkward hugs, and perfectly small small talk for a full half of every meeting.